“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” Very good question Dr. Seuss!
So many of us, myself included, expend so much energy trying to fit in; trying to be like others, whether that be in the looks department, the fashion department, or the life department. Why is this?
I’ve spent three quarters of my life trying to live by the norms, values and expectations of others so as to be accepted and fit in; those of family members; of friends; of teachers; of employers; of society at large. What’s more I had no idea that’s what I was even doing!
Of course everyone wants to feel accepted, especially by those they love and care about. The question is, at what expense? Why dim the light that’s shining deeply from within in order to fit in with the expectations of others, no matter how much we love them?
Everyone is born with a unique set of gifts to bestow upon the world. By trying to fit in and be the person we think we should be, rather than the person we really are, our unique talents, gifts and abilities can go unrecognised and unappreciated, even by ourselves.
It was so important to me to fit in that I couldn’t even see what my own talents were, let alone allow them to shine. For many, many years I felt different to others in an inexplicable way, and yet I tried so hard to fit in; to be accepted; to not draw unnecessary attention to myself for all the wrong reasons. All the while, deep inside, there was this niggling feeling that something doesn’t feel right. I was playing a series of roles that didn’t quite fit, as much as I wanted them to.
The funny thing about today’s society is that it makes us feel that we need to keep up with the latest fashions; have the “it” look; own the latest gizmos and gadgets. There is pressure follow the “standard” path in life: get a “good” education; get a “good” job; get married; buy a house; have kids…. It’s just what society expects of us. This may be the perfect path for some and not for others. Yet the minute we deviate from this standard path, we enter stand out territory, which is very uncomfortable for many of us.
…and so we may put our true desires to the side and instead, opt for a life that doesn’t truly feel like ours; that doesn’t meet our soul needs. …or we may punish and berate ourselves for not being “normal”; for not doing things the way we’re “meant to”. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of feeling like we’ve failed when our life doesn’t go according to the “standard” path, particularly when we have people close to us expressing their concerns.
In recent times I’ve had a number of well meaning family members and friends expressing their concerns that I am not yet married and haven’t yet started a family; reminding me that my biological clock is ticking. The reality is that life is taking me on a different path. That’s not to say that I don’t want these things, it’s just that I need to do things in my way, in my time. I’ve had other things I want to learn, do and see before moving into that phase of my life. …yet I feel a constant external pressure that starting a family is what I should be doing at this age. It takes strength to stand true to my own path and give myself permission to do so without self-judgment, despite the well-meaning judgment of others.
The reality is that we are all different. No two human beings are exactly the same. Even identical twins have been shown to have a significantly different genetic make-up by the time they reach adulthood. If we were meant to be the same we would have been made that way, but we’re not. The biggest gift we can give in our lifetime is to embrace our differences wholeheartedly. It is through these differences; through each and everyone one of us stepping into our authenticity and shining our own lights in our own unique way, that world can become a much richer place.
Are you forging your own path? Or are there aspects of your life that you are compromising to fit in or keep others happy? What are the ways in which you feel different? Do you view these as positives or negatives? If you view them as negatives, how can you change our outlook and turn them into positives?
This blog post was written by Gabrielle Aitken, Inner Beauty Stylist and inspirer of Appreciation, Respect and Love (a.k.a. Aprelo).
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